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Behind the eyes of a convict.

To change from doing things one way to doing things the right way is a very hard thing. I've been out of the joint now for 2 weeks and even though I'm not in my hood of Maywood, Ill., the streets are still calling me.

As an ex-con, I have a very different outlook on things because I’m doing things way behind compared to most of the free world. The technology of these cell phones has made me able to reach out to a lot of people that would have been impossible to do in the past. I talked to the first girl I ever loved when o first moved to Maywood as an 8yr old kid. Tracy!. She stays in Atlanta now. I hadn't seen her since 1992. Not only have I talked to her, but many more out of my grade school graduating class of 84'. It's amazing cause everyone I've talked to has shown me love and I didn't think I was thought about.

I was deep into using drugs and hanging on the streets trying to scheme on getting money without really working for it. Not any real substantive work anyway.

I mean I've had many jobs, but I never stayed long enough to invest in any kind of career or take any kind of incentive to submerge myself into the lie that is the joint makes you a man of esteem once you get out. Not true! Really make something of myself. So I walked around the penitentiary lost to the world outside and l fell for the lie that the joint will give power, prestige, respect, and honor in these streets when you get out.

It doesn't work that way. People will express a good sense to see you when you get out but in truth your just another nigga who went to jail and came home. If you don't have a solid support system then your fucked once the fake smiles and hugs wear off and the thrill of being free hits again cause now you have to live. You have to take care of yourself now. In some, you don't have to really do anything but time. Everything is done for you at the expense of the state's dime. But on the streets, you have to supply your home living conditions, buy food, clothes, transportation, and all those other things essential to life.

So my walk since the age of 17 has really been a lonely one even though many people tried to help me get my shot plan since caught this last case. It is my last case together. Even when my kids were born I was still beating my head up against a steel wall. They say in AA that everyone doesn't get it at the same time... Some faster than others. I m a slow one. I get it. That's why I moved to Houston Texas with nothing but old funky sweats and sweatshirts and my book that will be published by the end of 2021. You will see

Walt Diesel

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